Out into the World

I know it has been a long time since I have been out of school but there are certain things I miss about it.  Mostly assignments.  You would get an assignment you had an allocated amount of time to complete and then you were graded and then move onto the next one.  It had it own sense of purpose to be assigned tasks to do.  In work I find that I need to make my own schedule which is fine but creatively it is a bit of a struggle.  There are very few things that I do that have immediate deadlines. 

My model Gloria from the Shoot

Recently when I did a photoshoot one of my models still in College was telling me about how she had a 5 page paper to write that night.  I asked her if she had started, no of course not.  When was it assigned, 2 weeks ago.  It made me remenisce on my own academi endeavors and how they relatet to my life right now.  In highschool unless it was something that especially caught my interest I would procratinate.  Not neccessarily wait to the last minute but still would widdle away at those days till I knew I had to get the library or tutor to work on it.  If it was something I was excited for I would start it right that minute and even after the assignment was done would work on perfecting it and add more details.

In college I was on assignment with everything, I can't recall asking for an extension on anything at all.  I loved it all even though it would be 4-5 projects all due the same week.  That business was fantastic.

Now as an adult and working I find it hard to get that same feeling of encouragement in my heart to get new things done.  I know some of you think I am full of it right now the way I keep writing about busting my ass on projects.  Seriously though in my heart of hearts I feel like I could do more.  I almost long for some stern german accented fashion teacher to loom over me and tell me NOT ENOUGH do it AGAIN! (Gosh I miss my teacher Sarah).  To have someone to really push my boundaries and expand my talents even more.  I look at myself as a teacher and always wonder, am I pushing them enough?  am I pushing them too much?  Are they truly learning from me?.  What they think of me as a person is irrelevant so long as they learn exactly what I set in my guidelines and then some.  For myself selfishly I wish I had someone to push me a long a bit more.

Since I have no one I look to these contests, competitions and trying to set new goals for myself.  I look at these as my new assignments and try to envision the judges as my teachers that I do not want to disappoint.  I hate to hear that I am doing fantastic when I feel I could do much much more.  I wonder if other artist or designers are feeling this same way as me, or are they content with what they have done already?  I never want to be the satisfied designer resting on my laurels, I feel like I would no longer be innovative or creative.

I suppose my conclusion in all this babble is that I personally need to make myself into my own teacher and explore the world for my assignments.  I must be strong and ever vigilent as a creative mind to continue to enrich myself and push my designs further.   I want Avant Garde not just Pret Porter.  I want to learn to be as close to True Couture as possible.

Next post will be all pictures from the shoot to thank you guys for putting up with the text heavy posts as of late.