I turned 30

Yep that's me around Midnight May 7th turning to 8th my Birthday at the Drawing room in Chicago with my Best friend at her Bachlerotte weekend.  I turned 30.  The big three zero.  Do I feel achy, older,or like life is just starting?  No not at all.  I feel a bit melancholy and reflective.  Not a combination I enjoy to have my mind wrapped around.

I think it's not because I've turned 30, not because I'm getting married, not because the party brought up multitudes of conversation about ex's and our crazy party pasts. However all three things at once is a lot to bear on one's mind.  Especially when it turns out you were the Samantha of your friends in more ways then you care to admit (even though I just did).

Being 30 means nothing to me.  I am still me.  I had a few goals from my list of 30 before 30 completed and I feel good that I got some of them done but it wasn't life changing.  Sitting back and reflecting on my life through stories of bad dates, crazy ex boyfriends and life in college is a little jarring but still not life changing.  It was who I was and what I did.  I never really thought about all of my dating history that much before.  I think there was once in a college sculpture class that I did something about a reflection on my dating life but that was when I was still so young and just tasting life as much as I could.  The part of Samantha (from Sex and the City), I was probably the epitome of during those days.  Now I am still her but minus the promiscuity of the character.  To put it simply I still find that I love life, that is something that has never changed.  I like to get out go meet people and be active.  I love going out and doing things or being social with good friends.  I heartily enjoy planning and throwing parties or events.  I am still impulsive and headstrong, I like to do things that make me happy and make my friends happy.  I have deep seeded loyalties where if you get on the wrong side of me you will wish for a quick death.  These are the traits that I feel mirror her character.  Not to forget she had some amazing clothes in the series for the time. Especially her love of flashy jewelry.

The one thing that will change me is the wedding.  I will change my name.  I will be looking forward to being a future mother.  I will still be headstrong, stubborn and full of energy but I imagine instead of it being parties, hanging out and events it will be more focused into teaching these small parts of me to be their own individuals and support them as they do fantastic things. Or kill them trying!