At 33

Hello world!

Tomorrow I turn 33. It is sort of a milestone for me at such a random number.  Firstly it took me some time to realize how old I really am since I pretty much stopped counting after 30. It's not even the number that makes it a milestone but more just the amount of things have have happened in the past few years, let alone months.

 I was humbled and honored to test for my level 2 shorts at Muay Thai.  It was a hard decision and big challenge for me. I wanted to do it and train for it but I don't think I started to train for the right reasons.

I was coming off of a pretty big high from seeing friends fight and all the fight training our gym had been doing. In the end I did it for all the right reasons, my friends around the gym and fellow testers training kept me level headed and helped me to remember what was really important and the spirit of our gym. There was even a point when I thought I might of pulled out just because I didn't feel my mind and heart were in the right place for this honor.

In the end I went through it and it was AMAZING. This time was somehow more impactful in my life then the first test. It was rough no doubt as I had only started into sparring maybe two months beforehand and even with all the extra gym time I put in there just wasn't anything to prepare for the endurance needed just for sparring. 

Overall this helped me to let go of my senseless competitiveness and goal driven accomplishments. It let me just relax, enjoy and appreciate the moments in life more. I also learned to let go some of my silly cultural habits of seniority which has always been this hanging stress in my life. 

Super proud of all my fellow testers and big shouts out to Doug, Malik and Lavaughn for being there with me through Level 2! It wasn't that long ago but I feel that in my short time of about a year and half I have learned so much and looking at the new beginner's classes I get excited for them and to be a part of their journey.

Then two weeks later........

I completed another wonderful runway show with the Alternative Fashion Mob.  I couldn't be more happy with the results and most importantly all the people I worked with. I have amazing friends all around me and they really lift me up and assist when I need it. My Muay Thai testing definitely help me be very "whoo saaaa" through this fashion show where I let all the problems other people were having slide off of me and didn't stress with what was wrong but just how to get through it and have fun.

I was so fortunate to also have the amazing models that I did for this show. To me the right energy and personality is more important when doing such a big production but I was also fortunate enough to have beautiful models.  You can see photos of my full collection on my Torn Angel Facebook Page. 

Amidst all of this has also been the store!

 Everything is coming together and I just got back from TNNA this weekend and made some very interesting orders that I was not prepared for. It was so hard to go there not knowing what exactly my customer base will be and figuring out who my client really is before I am open. It's a struggle to think about what I want my store to be and how I also want to service the community at the same time. I don't want anyone to feel alienated at the same time I want to stick to my creative guns with my yarn selections.

The POS is all set up and I didn't think that would be such an ordeal but it was and now it's all good. We have a rhythm for it all and I understand how it all works. I would show pictures of the whole store but it's still a slight mess right tools and things needing to be made. I'm also a bit spread out to work on the display for the windows and just general it's a mess.

Lastly I got my second tattoo and I can't say it will be my last but she might be. I'll just show you a picture because it means too much to me to just clump my feelings together with everything else and I am still relishing in the glow of it and all the feelings surmounted with this tattoo.

Tomorrow is my birthday and I'll be spending the entire day traveling across time zones to be in Korea! now that so many things are over with I can finally start to get excited as I pack and get ready. I can say that I am nowhere near where I thought I would be today.  If I talked to younger self I would reassure myself and say:

"No, you won't be married with 3 kids as a housewife or working for a large fashion company, but it's ok. You will find a new fantastic path, be happier and be full of wonderful encounters, friendships and fulfillment in ways you didn't know exist. You will be an entire person on your own whole and without regret and you will love everything with all your heart and it will be ok even though it's not where you thought you would be. Enjoy the adventure because it is all yours alone"

Cheers!