I had been away from my blog for a long time. There was a point where as much as I loved this and writing I had gotten too busy taking care of my little Colin, training, being a wife and small business owner.
My mother passed away just days before Thanksgiving due to pancreatic cancer. It was terrible she was diagnosed only three months prior. I was the one who took her to the ER where they began testing and found the tumor. It was my first time going out to visit my brother in Las Vegas and seeing my parents after they had moved out there. I had Colin with me. We enjoyed most of the time there then Sunday after my brother Birthday Brunch mom told me she was in pain and wanted to go to the ER. I knew she was in pain the whole weekend, but no one else noticed and I kept an eye on her. I took her temperature and she had a fever over 100, I made a quick call to my friend's mom who is a nurse and she confirmed I should take her to ER. That was the day before I was supposed to leave. It was heartbreaking to leave her then knowing she would be in the hospital for days doing testing. From there it was fast and progressively worse and I am thankful we got her into Hospice for her last days to be comfortable. It's obviously still a fresh wound which is why I am coming back to writing/blogging.
As a friend told me I am a private person, yet not at all. I just don't like to talk about feelings much, I don't like to be exposed but I do like people to know there are things going on. I use social media a lot as a quick way to update friends abroad or that I don't get to see very often so they know I am living life and doing ok. Some days are better than others but I'm still here.
I think another thing that spurred my want to write again is going through this aftermath of death and how there are so many things I had to figure out for my father and myself with how to deal with death, not emotionally but fiscally and what a death means in terms of a process not a person. Unless you have been through it is not an easy thing to grasp while you are mourning and no one prepares for this because it is a dark thing that leads to dark thoughts. So I wanted to write the process in a practical guide and maybe it will be published maybe not but at least it will be out in the world in some form or another and maybe when it's my time my son will find it and get some comfort in his mom's overly practical mind.
I was also approached by someone I didn't know very well at my gym and was touched. It was my first time working with this person and after class was over he said to me that he found one of my blog posts about testing and it inspired him to come to my gym (Short North Muay Thai). I didn't know my blog, my posts had an impact and were still circulating. He's been at the gym over a year now and I'm happy to say that he is now on his own path and will be testing in March.
It's a funny thing how something so abstract as the internet has now connected so many people for the good or bad it is a big influence on our lives. I am just one person, small insignificant but I see I have made an impression in the world no matter how small and that is a comfort. It maybe just a little but it isn't nothing and that is a victory to put something positive and helpful out there.
This is a new beginning for this blog so Cheers! let's be logical, depressed, helpful, cheering and celebrating all together because those are all parts of life.
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